Captain's Corner

Yeah, you read that right… I was ordained over my lunch break today. Don’t believe me? Read this:

Congratulations! You are now a legally ordained minister for life, though you may relinquish your credentials at any time. YOU HAVE BECOME A MEMBER OF THE PRESTIGIOUS CLERGY. You have earned a title worthy of admiration and respect.

Let it be known on this date that in accordance with the laws of the Universal Life Church Monastery, as ordaining officer, I, Brother Martin, do ordain you into our ministry. From this day forward, you are entitled to all of the rights of an ordained minister. You have the authority to perform marriages, baptisms, and all other ceremonies of the church. You are an independent minister of this church. This is a position that carries with it a burden of responsibility; please respect others and comply with the laws of the land.

Apparently in order to “earn” said title worthy of admiration and respect, I simply have to go the Universal Life Church’s website, enter my name, address, and email address and VOILA!

Also, if I read Texas’ state law correctly I am now able to officiate/solemnize marriages in the state of Texas! Coming Soon: “Dooley’s House of Fried Chicken and 30-minute Marriages” I’m thinking right on Ridge Road, possibly in the strip mall with Target/Albertson’s…whaddya think?

I would just like to state though that I do not in any way want to take away from people who are ordained for real and who went to Bible School as long (or longer… though 8 years can be tough to beat) to earn their ordination, nor do I want to imply that I am now a minister and will be available for counseling, this was merely something humorous I found on the web today and thought I’d share. In fact, I will share one more small tidbit from the FAQ section of the ULC website:

I did not get a confirmation message but my credential printed:

We are not able to manually confirm your ordination. If you are in doubt that your information was captured correctly, please feel free to ordain yourself again. [emphasis mine]

If a credential was generated for your online ordination, your application has been confirmed. As in the case of computer generated credentials they are not acceptable as proof of your ordination to officiate a marriage. You must order a wall credential from our catalog. www.themonastery.org

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